Ephesians Chapter 5
Life in the Spirit
A. Forsaking the Darkness
1. Ephesians 5:1–2 — Walking in Love
"Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma."
a. “Therefore…”
This verse continues the exhortation from Ephesians chapter 4, particularly verse 32: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” The “therefore” serves as a hinge—linking the doctrine of the previous chapters with the duty that now follows. Paul is transitioning from theological truth to practical holiness.
b. “Be imitators of God as dear children”
This is not a call to mere admiration but to active emulation. God is not only our Redeemer and Lord; He is also our Father, and we are His children. As children naturally imitate their earthly parents, we are called to imitate our Heavenly Father. First Peter 1:15–16 affirms this standard:
“But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, ‘Be holy, for I am holy.’”
This is an ethical imperative grounded in identity. We do not strive to be holy to become children of God; rather, because we are children, we are to reflect the character of our Father.
c. Not just admiration — action
It is not enough to contemplate or admire the holiness of God; we must manifest it. True Christianity is never static—it is active. James 1:22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
This is connected to Paul’s earlier exhortation in Ephesians 4:13, where the goal of Christian maturity is to grow “to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.” It also relates to Ephesians 4:32, where believers are called to forgive “just as God in Christ forgave you.” God’s behavior becomes the pattern for our behavior.
d. “As dear children”
This emphasizes our relational status. The Greek word used here (ἀγαπητοί, agapētoi) conveys affection and deep familial love. We imitate God not out of fear but out of devotion. Just as children watch and copy the actions of their loving parents, we reflect God’s love when we walk in obedience.
e. “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us…”
Our model for love is Christ Himself. His love was not abstract but sacrificial. As John 13:34–35 teaches:
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
f. “And given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God…”
This is priestly language. Jesus Christ fulfilled the typology of the Old Testament offerings. His death was both a sin offering and a fragrant offering (see Leviticus chapters 1–7). His sacrifice was voluntary, substitutionary, and pleasing to God.
Paul uses the phrase “a sweet-smelling aroma”, echoing Old Testament terminology where God accepted sacrifices that were offered in faith and obedience (see Leviticus 1:9). Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, offered Himself in perfect obedience and complete submission, which was pleasing to the Father.
g. Application
We are called not merely to die for others in dramatic ways but to die to self daily. Romans 12:1 urges:
“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.”
2. Ephesians 5:3–4 — A Contrast to Walking in Love:
"But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks."
a. “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness…”
Paul now draws a sharp moral contrast. The self-giving love of Christ is diametrically opposed to the self-indulgent sins of the flesh. “Fornication” (porneia) is a broad term that includes all sexual immorality—premarital sex, adultery, homosexuality, pornography, etc. “Uncleanness” includes any moral impurity, and “covetousness” here likely includes greed for sexual gratification and material possessions alike.
Paul’s admonition is clear: these sins are not only to be avoided—they are not even to be spoken of in such a way that normalizes or entertains them among the saints. This aligns with Colossians 3:5:
“Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
b. “Let it not even be named among you…”
Paul is using a rhetorical device of exclusion. The Church is not to flirt with sin verbally or mentally, let alone practice it. The believer’s moral standard must be distinctly higher than the world’s. This does not mean we cannot name these sins to confront them, but we must not speak of them in casual, approving, or humorous ways.
c. “As is fitting for saints”
The imperative is rooted in identity. Saints are “set apart” ones—made holy by God. The believer’s conduct must reflect that calling. We are not trying to become saints by our works; rather, we live holy lives because that is who we are in Christ. This reflects Paul’s larger theological appeal: be who you are in Christ.
d. “Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting…”
These terms refer to inappropriate, vulgar, or suggestive speech. “Filthiness” points to obscene or shameful conversation. “Foolish talking” refers to buffoonish, irreverent chatter. “Coarse jesting” points to vulgar, double-entendre humor often laced with sexual innuendo.
In our culture, such things are normalized in entertainment, workplace banter, and online dialogue. But for the Christian, it is never acceptable. James 3:10 reminds us:
“Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.”
e. “But rather giving of thanks”
The antidote to corrupt speech is gratitude. Instead of mocking God’s gifts (such as sexuality) through crude speech, we honor Him through thanksgiving. First Thessalonians 5:18 says:
“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
This includes being thankful for God’s design of sexuality within the context of marriage (Hebrews 13:4), and not twisting it for personal indulgence or entertainment.
Summary Application
Walking in love is the defining mark of the believer, modeled after Christ’s sacrificial love. Paul contrasts this with the darkness of sexual sin and corrupt speech—calling believers to rise above the culture, not conform to it. The key is identity: you are saints, now walk like it. God’s holiness is not a restriction—it is freedom. God’s design is not prudish—it is purposeful. The Church must reflect heaven’s values, not earth’s appetites.
3. Ephesians 5:5–7 — The Consequences of Conduct Not Fitting for Christians
“For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them.”
a. “For this you know…”
Paul affirms a truth the Ephesians were already taught. The moral line is not vague—God has made it clear. The people listed here—those marked by ongoing, unrepentant fornication (porneia), uncleanness (akatharsia), and covetousness (pleonexia)—are not heirs of God’s kingdom. That is, they do not belong to Him and will not share in the eternal blessings promised to the redeemed.
This is not referring to a believer who stumbles, repents, and is restored. Rather, it refers to a lifestyle marked by these sins. First Corinthians 6:9–10 affirms this as well:
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”
b. “Who is an idolater”
Paul directly equates covetousness with idolatry. Covetousness is the worship of more—whether more money, more pleasure, more status. It displaces God and enthrones selfish desire. Colossians 3:5 says:
“Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
This reminds us that idolatry isn’t merely pagan ritual or bowing to graven images—it is elevating anything above God in our affections.
c. “Let no one deceive you with empty words…”
False teachers in Paul’s day, as in ours, minimized sin. They offered a grace devoid of holiness and repentance. Paul warns that such “empty words” are deceitful. The wrath of God is not an outdated doctrine—it is the consistent testimony of Scripture. Romans 1:18 declares:
“For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness.”
To preach forgiveness without forsaking sin is to rob the gospel of its power. Hebrews 10:26–27 issues a sober warning:
“For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment.”
d. “Therefore do not be partakers with them.”
Paul assumes believers are not characterized by these sins. But he goes further—we are not even to participate in the same conduct or affirm it. Second Corinthians 6:17 says:
“Therefore ‘Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you.’”
The command to separate is not legalistic—it is protective. A holy walk will require holy separation.
4. Ephesians 5:8–12 — The Passing from Darkness to Light
“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.”
a. “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord…”
Paul uses strong contrast: not just that we were in darkness, but we were darkness itself. The problem wasn’t just external—it was internal. But in Christ, we have been utterly transformed. Colossians 1:13 rejoices in this transformation:
“He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love.”
As children of the light, we are to walk in the light. That is, our daily conduct must match our new nature. First Thessalonians 5:5 reminds believers:
“You are all sons of light and sons of the day. We are not of the night nor of darkness.”
b. “For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth…”
This verse parallels Galatians 5:22–23, listing characteristics that flow from the Holy Spirit’s work in the believer. These three—goodness, righteousness, and truth—are the visible fruit of a life walking in light. They contrast starkly with the sins of darkness mentioned earlier. The Spirit of God does not produce sensuality, greed, or filth—but purity, generosity, and integrity.
c. “Finding out what is acceptable to the Lord…”
This is a call to discernment. The believer is not to coast morally but to actively pursue what pleases God. Romans 12:2 exhorts us:
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
We must study the Word, pray for wisdom, and remain sensitive to conviction. What pleases the Lord is not guessed—it is revealed.
d. “Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.”
Here, Paul forbids partnership with evil. Not just practicing, but tolerating, enabling, or normalizing the works of darkness violates the believer’s calling. To “expose them” means to bring them into the light—not for gossip or spectacle, but for correction and conviction.
This can take many forms: lovingly confronting a brother, rejecting false teaching, or refusing to be complicit in sin. Second Timothy 4:2 commands:
“Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.”
e. “For it is shameful even to speak of those things…”
There’s a line even in exposing darkness. We must not indulge a morbid curiosity or turn ministry into sensationalism. Some details are better left unsaid—lest they plant seeds of temptation. Philippians 4:8 sets the standard:
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true… noble… just… pure… lovely… of good report… meditate on these things.”
Summary Application
Ephesians 5:5–12 calls for a life of separation, discernment, and boldness. The world traffics in darkness, but the believer must walk in light. We are to reject empty words, resist sin’s deceit, and live in a way that reflects the holiness of the God who saved us.
Paul’s warning is clear: unrepentant sin is incompatible with kingdom inheritance. But so is compromise. There is no fellowship between light and darkness. Our job is not to curse the darkness, but to shine—brightly, consistently, and unashamedly—for the glory of Christ.
B. Walking in the Light
1. Ephesians 5:13–14 — The Fact of the Light’s Presence
“But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says: ‘Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.’”
a. “But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light…”
The believer, walking in holiness and truth, shines as a light that exposes the hidden things of darkness. The light of God—His Word, His Spirit, and His people—will inevitably bring conviction and clarity where sin seeks to remain hidden.
As Hebrews 4:13 declares:
“And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.”
Paul gives another reason why the Christian must reject unfruitful works of darkness (verses 8–12)—because those deeds will eventually be brought into the light of divine scrutiny. It is better to forsake them now than to be exposed later.
b. “Whatever makes manifest is light…”
Light reveals reality. Truth is never afraid of exposure; sin always is. Jesus said in John 3:20–21:
“For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”
c. “Therefore He says: ‘Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.’”
This is likely a quote from an early Christian hymn based on Old Testament ideas (possibly Isaiah 60:1 or 26:19). Though written to believers, the command assumes that Christians can fall asleep spiritually—sluggish, indifferent, and unaware of the spiritual battle around them.
Romans 13:11–12 exhorts:
“And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.”
Spurgeon insightfully observed that spiritual sleep can mimic life: one can speak, hear, walk, sing, and even think while spiritually asleep. But there is no power, no fruit, no concern for the lost. The call is not merely to wake up but to rise from the dead—to return to spiritual vitality through Christ, who gives light.
2. Ephesians 5:15–17 — Walking in the Light Means Walking in Wisdom
“See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”
a. “See then that you walk circumspectly…”
The word “circumspectly” means to walk with precision, caution, and care—like a soldier moving through a minefield. The believer is to live intentionally and watchfully, not carelessly or impulsively.
Proverbs 14:16 echoes this:
“A wise man fears and departs from evil, but a fool rages and is self-confident.”
b. “Not as fools but as wise…”
Wisdom is the practical outworking of truth. The fool disregards God’s Word and lives for temporal pleasure. The wise man hears and obeys. Psalm 111:10 says:
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; a good understanding have all those who do His commandments.”
Paul may also be alluding to the frenzied, debauched behavior of pagan worship, especially that of Bacchus—the god of wine and revelry. The Christian’s life is to be controlled, not chaotic; dignified, not degrading.
c. “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil…”
The word “redeeming” (exagorazō) means to “buy up” or “seize the opportunity.” Time here is not chronos (general time) but kairos—the appointed season or window of divine opportunity. Galatians 6:10 uses the same word:
“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
Time is fleeting. Opportunities to witness, to serve, to grow, and to glorify God will not always be available. We must live with urgency, because “the days are evil”—marked by deception, corruption, and spiritual apathy.
d. “Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”
True wisdom is not just knowing facts but understanding God’s will. This understanding is rooted in Scripture. Romans 12:2 instructs:
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
The Holy Spirit uses the Word of God to give insight into the mind and will of God. The unwise live for self; the wise live for God's purposes.
3. Ephesians 5:18 — Walking in the Light Means Constant Filling with the Holy Spirit
“And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit.”
a. “Do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation…”
This is both a moral command and a spiritual illustration. Wine impairs judgment, self-control, and perception. “Dissipation” (asōtia) means reckless, wasteful living—squandering life in sin and indulgence. Proverbs 20:1 warns:
“Wine is a mocker, strong drink is a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.”
Drunkenness is a counterfeit spirituality, a temporary escape that leaves the soul barren. The damage it does to individuals, families, and society is incalculable.
b. “But be filled with the Spirit…”
This is the central exhortation. The Greek verb is present imperative passive, meaning:
It is ongoing – "keep on being filled."
It is passive – we receive this filling.
It is imperative – it is not optional; it is a command.
Being filled with the Spirit is not a one-time emotional high but a continual dependence upon the Spirit for wisdom, power, and holiness. It is not manufactured through effort but yielded to by surrender. It is the Spirit, not wine, that should influence our thinking, emotions, and actions.
c. Implications of Spirit-filling:
It is commanded of all believers.
It results in godly behavior, spiritual power, and Christlike character.
It is not evidenced by ecstatic experiences alone, but by fruit (Galatians 5:22–23), boldness in witness (Acts 4:31), and submission (Ephesians 5:21).
d. Summary contrast:
Alcohol depresses higher functions; the Spirit stimulates godly living.
Alcohol leads to waste and shame; the Spirit leads to order, joy, and holiness.
Alcohol controls through loss of self; the Spirit empowers through submission to God.
4. Ephesians 5:19–20 — The Spirit-Filled Life Is Marked by Worship and Gratitude
“Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
a. “Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs…”
The Spirit-filled life overflows in corporate encouragement and worship. Our tongues are sanctified for mutual edification, not only in doctrinal instruction but also in musical expression. True spiritual maturity manifests not only in what we say but in how we sing.
Colossians 3:16 parallels this passage:
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.”
When believers are filled with the Spirit, they become fountains of joyful expression, encouraging one another through the rich truths of Scripture—whether through the Psalms of David, doctrinally sound hymns, or spontaneous spiritual songs of praise.
b. “Singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord…”
Worship is not limited to the lips—it must originate from the heart. The Greek phrase for “making melody” (psallontes) implies plucking strings, suggesting the heart becomes an instrument played by the Holy Spirit. This internal melody is what pleases God most, regardless of vocal ability.
This internal worship is the antidote to superficial Christianity. Isaiah 29:13 warns,
“These people draw near with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but have removed their hearts far from Me.”
c. “Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father…”
Gratitude is the fruit of a Spirit-filled heart. A complaining, bitter, or entitled attitude is incompatible with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Thanksgiving should not be an occasional act, but a continual lifestyle.
First Thessalonians 5:18 commands,
“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
Note: Paul does not say we are to give thanks for evil, but in all things—even hardship and trial—for we trust God’s sovereign purpose. The Spirit-filled believer understands that nothing enters his life apart from God’s will, and thus responds with reverent gratitude.
d. “In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ…”
Our gratitude is directed to God the Father, but it is in the name of Jesus Christ—the One who made access possible. As Jesus taught in John 14:13,
“And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.”
It is Christ who secures our relationship with the Father, so all praise and thanksgiving are rightly channeled through Him.
5. Ephesians 5:21 — The Spirit-Filled Life Is Marked by Mutual Submission
“Submitting to one another in the fear of God.”
a. “Submitting to one another…”
This verse forms a bridge between Paul’s general exhortation and the specific applications to marriage, family, and workplace relationships that follow (Ephesians 5:22–6:9). Spirit-filled believers will not seek to dominate, but to serve one another in humility and love.
The Greek word for “submit” (hupotassō) means “to place under in rank.” This is a military term, used to describe orderly arrangement under authority—not inferiority, but functional structure. Paul is not calling for the erasure of leadership, but for humility and willingness to defer to one another where appropriate, particularly in non-hierarchical relationships.
b. This submission is not about worth, ability, or intelligence…
A private may be wiser than a general, but the structure demands deference for the sake of order. The same principle applies in the church and in the home. Submission, when Spirit-led, is never demeaning—it is an act of voluntary service done out of love and reverence.
Wiersbe insightfully notes:
“Anyone who has served in the armed forces knows that ‘rank’ has to do with order and authority, not with value or ability.”
c. This submission is mutual and Spirit-governed…
Paul’s point is that all believers should carry an attitude of selflessness. We should not assert our own way in matters of opinion. As Philippians 2:3–4 commands:
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
This does not cancel authority in the church or home but governs the spirit in which that authority is carried out—and in which submission is offered.
d. “In the fear of God…”
The motive behind submission is not pleasing men, but honoring Christ. Our reverence for Christ moves us to humility, cooperation, and peace with others. The fear of the Lord is not terror but awe-filled respect—a desire not to grieve or disappoint the One who redeemed us.
Second Corinthians 5:9 affirms:
“Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him.”
Summary of Ephesians 5:19–21
A Spirit-filled believer is not only transformed inwardly, but that transformation radiates outwardly in worship, gratitude, and humble submission.
His heart sings truth.
His lips give thanks.
His life displays love through mutual deference.
All of this stems from a reverent, Christ-centered walk in the light.
C. The Spirit-Filled Life, Submission, and Responsibility in Marriage
“The danger is that we should think of marriage amongst Christians as essentially the same as it is with everybody else, the only difference being that these two people happen to be Christians whereas the others are not. Now if that is still our conception of marriage then we have considered this great paragraph entirely in vain. Christian marriage, the Christian view of marriage, is something that is essentially different from all views.” — D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
1. Ephesians 5:22 — Walking in the Light Means Wives Submit to Their Husbands
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22, NKJV)
This verse begins the Apostle Paul’s most extensive treatment on marriage and the roles of husbands and wives within the Christian home. It follows the general principle in Ephesians 5:21 — “submitting to one another in the fear of God” — and begins applying that principle specifically, beginning with wives.
a. “Wives…”
Paul addresses wives first not because they are inferior or more problematic, but because submission is the focus. The entire context began with Ephesians 5:21, and Paul is now applying it specifically to the marriage relationship.
In the same manner, Paul addresses children before parents (Ephesians 6:1–4) and servants before masters (Ephesians 6:5–9). The theme is consistent: those under authority are exhorted first, because the principle of submission is central to Paul’s ethical exhortation.
Notably, some early manuscripts even omit the word “submit” in verse 22, making it read: “Wives, to your own husbands…” indicating that the verb is borrowed from verse 21 and that Paul is continuing that thought into the household.
This tells us plainly that biblical submission in the home is an extension of Spirit-filled living (Ephesians 5:18). It is not a cultural relic or optional virtue—it is part of discipleship.
b. “Submit…”
To “submit” (hupotassō) means to place oneself voluntarily under rank or authority. It is a military term and implies functional order, not intrinsic worth or inequality.
Just as citizens submit to government (Romans 13:1), and employees to employers (Colossians 3:22), and as believers submit to their church leaders (Hebrews 13:17), so the wife is to submit to her husband—not as a slave, nor in silence, nor as inferior, but as a willing, intelligent, spiritually mature woman who recognizes God’s design.
Submission does not imply inferiority. Jesus submitted to the Father’s will (Luke 22:42), yet He is equal with the Father (John 10:30). In the same way, wives submit in role, not in essence.
The word “submission” does not mean a wife gives up her voice, personality, gifts, or calling. Rather, it means that she places herself under the divinely appointed headship of her husband, for the glory of God and the good of the household.
Submission means order and alignment under God’s purpose. It is “sub-mission” — placing oneself under the mission of God for marriage: to glorify Christ through distinct and complementary roles.
c. “To your own husbands…”
Paul is specific here. A wife is not commanded to submit to all men, nor to be passive in all areas of life. Her submission is to her own husband, not to every man in society.
This restricts the command to the home and, by extension, to the church (cf. 1 Timothy 2:11–12). There is no biblical mandate for female submission to men in areas such as business, politics, or education.
A godly woman may hold leadership in secular or civic contexts, but at home, the order of creation and the picture of Christ and the Church are at stake. Thus, she willingly submits to her own husband for the sake of the Lord’s honor.
d. “As to the Lord…”
This phrase is the linchpin of the entire verse. Paul is not simply telling wives to submit; he is commanding them to do so as part of their submission to Jesus Christ.
There are two major misinterpretations of this phrase:
1. Misinterpretation Favoring the Husband:
This view says the wife should submit to her husband as if he were the Lord. But Scripture nowhere advocates such absolute human authority.
A wife is never called to obey sin or endure abuse. Submission is not blind allegiance. To demand unquestioning submission is idolatrous, attributing to the husband what belongs to God alone.
Acts 5:29 says, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” No human authority, not even a husband, can override God’s authority.
2. Misinterpretation Favoring the Wife:
This view limits submission only to when the husband is acting in accordance with God’s will—effectively allowing the wife to become the final judge.
That is not submission; that is agreement. Anyone can follow when they agree. The test of submission is when there is respectful disagreement, yet the wife still yields for the sake of unity—unless doing so would cause her to disobey God.
e. “As to the Lord” defines the motive, not the extent or limit, of submission.
As Lloyd-Jones explained:
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands; do it in this way, do it as a part of your submission to the Lord.”
The wife submits to her husband because she loves Jesus Christ, not because her husband is always right, wise, or worthy.
This is part of Christian discipleship, and the Christian wife who is most concerned with pleasing Christ will find joy—not bondage—in this teaching.
Application and Summary:
“As to the Lord” means…
A wife’s submission is an act of worship and obedience to Jesus Christ.
When she submits, she honors Christ—not merely her husband.
It is irrelevant whether the husband is more talented, educated, or godly. The submission is unto the Lord, not contingent on human qualifications.
If a wife disobeys this command, she does not merely fail as a wife, but as a follower of Christ.
Therefore, a woman should choose a husband she can respect. If she cannot see herself submitting to his leadership, she should not marry him.
G. Campbell Morgan once recalled an older Christian woman who never married, explaining,
“I never met a man who could master me.”
She had the right understanding—she knew that the essence of biblical marriage required respect and submission.
Lloyd-Jones concludes:
“There can be no more compelling motive for any action than this; and every Christian wife who is concerned above everything else to please the Lord Jesus Christ, will find no difficulty in this paragraph; indeed it will be her greatest delight to do what the Apostle tells us here.”
Ephesians 5:23–24 — The Reason for a Christian Wife’s Submission
“For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:23–24, New King James Version)
A. God’s Commands Are Grounded in Reason and Theology
Paul does not issue this command to wives without offering a theological foundation. God's design is not arbitrary; He provides reasons so that His people can walk in understanding.
Obedience Is Ultimately to Christ
In verse 22, Paul already stated, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” The wife’s motive is not based on her husband’s merit, behavior, intelligence, or leadership ability, but on her own devotion to Jesus Christ.
Submission in marriage is an act of obedience to the Lord, not merely compliance with the man she married.
Order by Design — Headship Rooted in Creation
“For the husband is head of the wife…” Paul roots the principle of submission in the creational order. Adam was created first, and Eve was created from him, as his helper, fitted for him. This is not a post-fall curse, but a pre-fall structure (Genesis 2).
Other New Testament passages support this:
“For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.” (1 Corinthians 11:8–9, NKJV)
“Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve.” (1 Timothy 2:11–13, NKJV)
Authority and Accountability — Not Superiority
Headship includes responsibility and accountability before God. The idea of “head” (Greek: kephalē) carries not only authority but also the burden of leadership, spiritual direction, and protection.
Lloyd-Jones points out that this does not imply slavery or inequality: “It is not slavery; he is exhorting his readers to realize what God has ordained.”
A Symbol of Union — The Church and Christ
Paul grounds the marital order in the relationship between Jesus and His bride, the Church: “as also Christ is head of the church… therefore… so let the wives be to their own husbands.”
A wife’s submission is a living symbol of how the Church submits to Christ: willingly, joyfully, and reverently.
This is not about personality or culture — this is about portraying Christ and the Church through the most intimate human relationship: marriage.
B. The Husband’s Role: Savior of the Body
“And He is the Savior of the body.”
Christ is Savior not only in redemption but also in preservation and provision (cf. 1 Timothy 4:10).
In this passage, Savior implies nourishing, cherishing, and protecting — themes Paul will return to in verses 28–29:
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” (Ephesians 5:28–29, NKJV)Thus, the husband’s headship must mirror Christ’s leadership — not domineering, but sacrificial and servant-hearted.
C. Submission Must Be Coordinated and Relational
“Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
The Body Analogy: The Church is the body of Christ. Just as the body must be coordinated under the direction of the head, so the wife is to act in harmony with her husband’s leadership.
Order, Not Inferiority: Just as the body is not inferior to the head, the wife is not inferior to the husband. She is different in function, not in value.
Lloyd-Jones rightly observed:
“The teaching is that the initiative and the leadership are ultimately the husband’s, but the action must always be co-ordinated… The wife is not inferior to her husband; she is different.”
D. The Principle of Submission in Scripture
Paul’s teaching is not isolated. The principle of submission is applied in multiple arenas of life:
Jesus submitted to His parents (Luke 2:51, NKJV)
Citizens submit to government (Romans 13:1, NKJV)
Christians submit to church elders (Hebrews 13:17, NKJV)
Servants submit to masters (1 Peter 2:18, NKJV)
Christians submit to God (James 4:7, NKJV)
The Church submits to Christ (Ephesians 5:24, NKJV)
Wives submit to husbands (Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:5; Ephesians 5:22–24, NKJV)
Important: Nowhere does Scripture reverse these roles. Paul does not command husbands to submit to wives, just as Christ is never told to submit to the Church. This is not mutual submission in leadership, but complementary roles within God’s design.
E. Submission Is Not Unconditional Obedience
Paul says, “in everything,” but context and other Scriptures qualify this.
Exceptions where submission is not required:
If the husband commands the wife to sin.
“We ought to obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:29, NKJV)
If the husband is insane or medically incapacitated.
If the husband is physically abusive or endangers the wife or children.
If the husband commits adultery.
Jesus allows divorce for sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32, NKJV).
Lloyd-Jones notes: “She may choose to remain — that is for her to decide. All I am saying is, that this Scripture does not command it.”
F. Summary of the Three Grounds for Submission:
Spiritual Motive: It is as unto the Lord — an act of obedience and reverence to Christ.
Creational Order: God’s design from Genesis is for male headship and female complementarity.
Redemptive Model: Marriage is a living picture of Christ and His Church.
Ephesians 5:25a — The Command to Husbands: “Husbands, love your wives”
“Husbands, love your wives,” (Ephesians 5:25a, New King James Version)
A. A Command Anchored in Responsibility, Not Rights
Paul turns from wives to husbands, and he does not command husbands to lead their wives with dominance or demand submission. Instead, the divine command is clear and uncompromising: “Husbands, love your wives.”
The command follows Paul's instructions to wives in verses 22–24. However, the husband is not given permission to rule as a tyrant or authoritarian. His leadership must be exercised through agape love — sacrificial, selfless, and sanctifying.
This command safeguards the wife’s submission — ensuring that her yielded spirit is not exploited or abused.
“No husband is entitled to say that he is the head of the wife unless he loves his wife… So the reign of the husband is to be a reign and a rule of love; it is a leadership of love.” — D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
B. The Word “Love” — A Command of Agape
Paul uses the Greek word agapaō (ἀγαπάω), not eros (erotic love), storgē (familial affection), or philia (friendship). He deliberately commands a higher, divine love.
The Four Greek Words Translated “Love”:
Eros — Erotic love; driven by desire.
Storgē — Family love; love for kin.
Philia — Deep friendship; affectionate companionship.
Agapē — Sacrificial, self-giving love; a love that acts out of will rather than feeling.
“Agape has to do with the mind: it is not simply an emotion which rises unbidden in our hearts; it is a principle by which we deliberately live.” — William Barclay
This is a love of the will — a choice to love even when the beloved is not lovely.
C. Characteristics of Agape Love in Marriage
Agape love, as Paul commands, is:
Unchanging — It is not swayed by circumstance or emotions.
Self-giving — It gives without demanding repayment or reciprocation.
Unconditional — It does not require the wife to be lovable or worthy by human standards.
Enduring — It loves even when rejected or met with resistance.
Intentional — It acts from a decision of the will, not a whim of the heart.
This love is not romantic sentiment. It is not mere kindness or civility. It is the love Christ has for the Church, as the next verses will expound. Paul is calling Christian men to continual, sacrificial self-denial for the spiritual and physical good of their wives.
“Husbands, continually decide to practice self-denial for the sake of your wives.”
Ephesians 5:25b–27 — The Standard of the Husband’s Love
“Just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:25b–27, New King James Version)
A. The Model: Christ’s Love for the Church
Paul now provides the model for this love: “Just as Christ also loved the church.” This is not abstract theology. It is the daily duty of a husband to mirror Christ’s heart toward the Church.
“Christ loved, not because there was loveliness in His Church, but in order to make her lovely.” — Charles Spurgeon
Just as Christ loves the Church with a particular and sacrificial love, so also must the husband love his wife — not for what she is, but for what she becomes under his love and leadership.
B. The Action: “Gave Himself for her”
This phrase anchors the husband's love in sacrifice. Christ did not dominate the Church but died for her.
The same humility and service seen in Philippians 2:5–8 is expected in the husband:
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant… He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.” (Philippians 2:5–8, NKJV)
Worldly Headship vs. Godly Headship:
Worldly headship: “I’m your head; you serve me.”
Godly headship: “I’m your head; I must care for you and die to myself daily.”
The husband does not demand submission. He earns trust by continual self-sacrifice.
C. The Purpose: Her Sanctification and Cleansing
Christ’s goal was to sanctify and cleanse His bride.
Sanctify — Set her apart as holy unto Himself.
Cleanse — Wash her from defilement.
The tool used: “washing of water by the word” (Greek: rhema, the spoken Word — likely referencing the preached gospel).
“The water which washes away sin, which cleanses and purifies the soul, is the Word.” — Spurgeon
This is not baptismal regeneration. As a Baptist, we affirm that the cleansing is spiritual and comes by the Word of God, not by the outward rite of baptism. It is the Word that regenerates, renews, and sanctifies (see John 15:3; 1 Peter 1:23).
D. The End Goal: A Glorious, Spotless Bride
Christ’s purpose is to present the Church to Himself as a glorious, pure bride.
“Not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing.”
Spot — speaks of moral impurity.
Wrinkle — speaks of age or corruption.
She is to be holy and without blemish — morally and spiritually perfect.
Just as Christ shares His glory with His Church, so a husband should share his life, vision, and future with his wife.
“Perfect holiness was absolutely necessary in one who was to be the bride of Christ. He purposes to work that in her…” — Spurgeon
“There will not be a single blemish… The most careful examination will not be able to detect the slightest speck of unworthiness.” — Lloyd-Jones
Summary: The Husband’s Mandate
Paul’s vision of marriage is radical. The husband is not a dictator, but a dying servant. He does not rule with threats, but leads with tears, toil, and tenderness. He does not demand submission — he demonstrates Christlikeness.
Key Applications for Husbands:
Lead spiritually — not just with provision but with the Word.
Sacrifice daily — not in grand gestures but in small, unseen acts.
Pursue her sanctification — her spiritual growth is your priority.
Be willing to suffer for her — even when she resists.
Love her first, love her always, love her when it hurts.
5. Ephesians 5:28–29 — The Christian Husband’s Call to Love as His Own Body
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”
— Ephesians 5:28–29, NKJV
a. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies:
Paul now brings the command to love into the realm of application and principle. The apostle appeals to something universal and intuitive—self-love—not in a sinful sense, but in the sense of self-care and preservation. Paul’s use of the word “as” is crucial. He does not merely say “in the same way” but shows that the wife is part of the husband’s body. She is not just “like” his body—she is his body.
This points directly back to the original union in Genesis, where Eve was taken from Adam’s side. In marriage, the two become one flesh. The husband is not a separate entity from his wife. They are unified. To love her is to love himself.
As it is written:
“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.”
—Genesis 2:21–22, NKJV
b. He who loves his wife loves himself:
A husband who honors, cherishes, and sacrificially loves his wife is acting wisely and righteously, because in doing so, he honors his own body. By contrast, a man who mistreats or neglects his wife is engaging in self-destruction. The consequences of such behavior return upon his own head. This statement directly contradicts any notion of harsh, authoritarian “headship.” True headship involves stewardship, not tyranny; service, not self-indulgence.
As Scripture says:
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies...”
—Ephesians 5:28a, NKJV
This phrase reveals that Biblical marriage is covenantal and reciprocal. A man cannot separate his well-being from that of his wife. He is spiritually and emotionally tied to her by divine design.
c. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it:
The norm of human behavior is self-preservation. People care for their own bodies—feeding, clothing, and protecting themselves. In the same way, Paul says the husband should treat his wife. The words nourishes and cherishes are rich with meaning:
“Nourishes” (Greek: ektrephei) means to nurture to maturity, as one would with a child.
“Cherishes” (Greek: thalpei) means to keep warm, to comfort, to protect with tender care.
These are not cold, transactional terms. They are warm, intimate, and deeply personal. A husband is to treat his wife as delicately and carefully as he would an injury to his own body.
d. Just as the Lord does the church:
Jesus Christ is the perfect model for the husband. He nourishes and cherishes the church. He provides, protects, teaches, comforts, and sanctifies His bride. In doing so, He demonstrates what divine headship looks like—not domineering control but loving responsibility. The husband, as head, is to mirror this pattern. The home is not a kingdom where the man is king, but a covenant where the man is servant-leader in imitation of Christ.
6. Ephesians 5:30–32 — The Mystery of Union: Christ and the Church, Husband and Wife
“For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
— Ephesians 5:30–32, NKJV
a. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones:
Paul reiterates the believer’s mystical union with Christ. This isn’t poetic language; it is spiritual reality. We are joined to Christ in such intimacy that Paul says we are part of His very body, just as Eve was part of Adam. Our identity and security are in Him. This oneness is not earned—it is a result of being born again and joined to Christ by the Spirit.
“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.”
—1 Corinthians 6:17, NKJV
b. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This quote from Genesis 2:24 is foundational to Biblical marriage. Paul now uses it to connect the physical union of husband and wife with the spiritual union of Christ and the church. God’s design from the beginning was for marriage to be a picture—a living parable—of the intimate, exclusive, enduring union between the Redeemer and the redeemed.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
—Genesis 2:24, NKJV
The command to “leave” and “be joined” (or “cleave”) indicates two key truths:
Leaving implies a break from prior priority relationships. The marriage relationship becomes the new priority.
Cleaving means to be glued together in covenantal permanence.
c. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church:
Paul unveils the deeper spiritual truth behind marriage: it reflects the mystery of Christ and His church. The word mystery in Paul’s usage doesn’t mean “something unknowable,” but “something once hidden, now revealed.” The eternal plan of God to unite Christ with His bride—the church—was foreshadowed in Adam and Eve.
Just as Eve was taken from Adam’s side, so the church is born from the pierced side of Christ at Calvary. This divine mystery goes far beyond biological union. It speaks to purpose, to covenant, to eternal destiny.
d. The theological weight of this passage cannot be overstated:
Marriage is not merely a social contract or emotional connection. It is a gospel display—a divine illustration of Christ’s redemptive love and union with His people. Therefore, to distort marriage (as our culture does today) is to obscure the image of Christ and the church. This is why Biblical marriage must be protected, honored, and practiced in accordance with Scripture.
7. Ephesians 5:33 — The Summary: Love and Respect in God’s Design for Marriage
“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
— Ephesians 5:33, NKJV
a. Nevertheless:
This word marks Paul’s return to the primary subject of marriage after momentarily being swept into the glorious spiritual truth of Christ’s relationship with His church. In verses 31 and 32, Paul was carried to great heights discussing the mystery of Christ and His body, the church. But now, with the word “nevertheless,” he brings the teaching back down to earth with practical instruction for Christian households. It is as if Paul is saying, “Even though I have spoken of great spiritual truths, let’s come back to the practical responsibility each of you has in marriage.”
This illustrates the inspired balance of the apostle’s teaching: doctrine and duty, theology and practice, mystery and mandate—all in one breath.
b. Let each one of you in particular:
This phrase eliminates all excuses. The command is universal and personal. It does not say, “If it fits your personality,” or “If your spouse earns it.” Instead, it binds every husband and every wife to God’s design for the marital relationship. It is not dependent on temperament, culture, or circumstance. God’s Word is the standard. “Each one of you” means there are no exemptions. The husband who says, “I’m not a romantic,” or the wife who says, “I’m not naturally submissive,” still has a target to aim for: God’s ordained structure for marriage.
As James says:
“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
— James 1:22, NKJV
c. So love his own wife as himself:
This command summarizes the husband’s role. The husband is to love his wife—not just feel love, but act it out in every dimension: spiritually, emotionally, physically, and sacrificially. He is not called to demand submission or wield authority like a tyrant. Instead, he is to pour himself out in love, just as Christ gave Himself for the church. This love must be personal (“his own wife”), not generalized or detached. He must see his wife as part of himself, and thus, to love her is to love himself; to harm her is to harm himself.
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”
— Ephesians 5:28, NKJV
This is the principle of unity that governs the husband’s role: one flesh, one life, one calling.
d. And let the wife see that she respects her husband:
Here Paul gives the wife’s side of the instruction. Just as the husband’s guiding principle is love, the wife’s guiding principle is respect. The Greek word translated “respects” is phobētai, the same word used for reverence and godly fear. It does not imply cowering fear, but reverential esteem—a recognition of her husband’s God-given headship and a choice to honor that role with deference and support.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church...”
— Ephesians 5:22–23, NKJV
Paul is not commanding blind obedience. He is calling the wife to biblical deference—a posture that upholds her husband’s role while still affirming their unity and equal worth before God.
e. The heart of Biblical marriage: Two complementary principles.
Paul concludes this section by anchoring marriage in two enduring, God-given principles:
Husbands must understand and act on the truth that they are one with their wives—there is no detachment or independence. The husband’s authority is not for dominance but for sacrificial leadership grounded in Christ’s love.
Wives must understand that this unity has a God-ordained structure. The husband is the head, and her call is to honor and submit to him in reverence, not because he is perfect, but because this reflects her submission to Christ.
These are not cultural ideas—they are creational and covenantal. Paul is not simply giving tips for a better marriage; he is unveiling God’s blueprint for human flourishing in the home.
f. Final Reflection:
When a husband operates in love, and a wife in respect, the result is a powerful picture of Christ and His church. But when roles are reversed—or worse, ignored—the image becomes distorted. Modern society rebels against this model, but Scripture upholds it as beautiful, holy, and essential.
“The supreme thing always is to consider our Lord Jesus Christ. If a husband and wife are together considering Him, you need have no worry about their relationship to each other.”
— Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Ephesians 5 ends with a thunderous declaration of God's divine order for marriage—rooted in love, respect, and unity. It is a high calling, but one that brings profound blessing when obeyed in the Spirit.
